Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
