he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize