My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
