I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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