Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
