adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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