i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize