apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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