Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
