dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize