dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
