you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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