Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
