and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
