I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
