Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wear drunk well.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize