I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
