Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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