So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
