I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize