Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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