the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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