to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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