Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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