I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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