im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
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