I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
