I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize