I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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