SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
