Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
