My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
