Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
