I haven't been this sober since birth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
