I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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