She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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