why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this hospital has no fireball
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
BRING THE BAGELS
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
