guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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