Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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