I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
