I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
