hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
