Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
