i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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