All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
