I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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