So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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