our cab driver is having phone sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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