my mouth tastes like poor choices
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We need a shit load of segways right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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