Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
