I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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