Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
