just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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