I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
