i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
