Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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