you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
