I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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