I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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