Kiss
Puke
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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