I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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