I wish I could teleport
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we're so committed to being not committed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
