Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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