we're blogging at a bar
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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