Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dear god my vagina.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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