i'm signing you up for texting rehab
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
