the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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