HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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