I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
