I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
