and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize