The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So squirting runs in the family.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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