I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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