i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
