sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
