I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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