I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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