Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
