Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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