you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
