Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
