One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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