Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you had me at cake vodka
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
