is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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