I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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