Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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