people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
