You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
