that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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