JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
