I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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