Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
