OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
