I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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