Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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