dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
