So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
