Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
