thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
