I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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