Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
