Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Houston, we have a squirter
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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